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remix_reduxTitle: The Wisdom of Youth (Hard to Rely on the Rhythm Remix)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
vegetariansushi
Summary: John leaves on the Daedalus.
Rating: PG
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Warnings: None
Spoilers: Major plot spoilers for Stargate: Atlantis 3x07, Common Ground
Title, Author and URL of original story: The Wisdom of Youth byljmckay (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3005131/1/).
John leaves on the Daedalus.
There's no ceremony to it, no speech given about his bravery or accomplishments, no medals or awards presented. It is, Elizabeth reminds herself, exactly what he wanted, but she still feels uncomfortable that they're not doing something.
"Five minutes, Colonel," says Caldwell, and Sheppard nods.
He says goodbye to her first, and she embraces him. The last time she did this, she thinks, was a year and a lifetime ago. One last-minute save and for the first time, she thought that the mission might turn out all right after all. Luck, she reminds herself, is only lent, not given. She smiles tightly and steps back.
"Good luck, John," she says, because what else is she going to say? This is it for him, and they all know it. Earth can't have anything for him, not after Atlantis.
He nods solemnly at her, and she takes a step away to allow him a moment alone with his team. She moves far enough away that she can't hear what they say, and sternly tells herself that this is for their benefit, not hers. She can't help watching, though, as they huddle together and talk in hushed voices. Teyla kisses him softly, and Ronon and Rodney hug him, gently, the way that one hugs a dying relative. Which, she supposes, is what he is.
When Caldwell calls again, the team separates. John takes a few steps and turns, and for a minute she thinks that he's going to say that he's just come up with a way to reverse it, that maybe if they rewire something and run the power through something backwards it will be better.
"Thanks," he says, and it sounds resigned. "I'll -- I'll miss you guys." He turns to leave.
Elizabeth watches him walk away, and this time she doesn't close her eyes.
***
She's working on paperwork when they return, and intentionally doesn't get up. There's been no request for backup, so things clearly didn't go too badly, and someone would come and report once they'd gotten their gear off. She can wait.
For the second time that day, it's not Rodney, but John who shows up, and she's surprised this time, too.
"How did it go?" she asks. It makes sense, sort of; it's always been John's job to debrief her after a mission if he's involved in it, and his age -- apparent age, she reminds herself -- doesn't change that.
He shrugs tiredly. "Fine," he says, and it doesn't answer any of the questions that she wants to ask, or any of the questions that she could reasonably expect him to answer.
"Fine?" She raises her eyebrows.
"Fine," he confirms, carefully arranging himself in his chair. "Nothing happened. We met the people, did a little talking, came to an agreement, and left. Uneventful. Rodney will debrief you later."
"Then, if you don't mind my asking, why are you here?"
John sighs. "Right. Yeah."
She looks at her desk, shuffles the papers, trying to give him time to compose himself.
"I think... I think that I need to..."
She doesn't look up.
"Retire."
She looks her head up in time to watch his eyes squeeze shut. She'd been waiting for him to talk to her about it, but she hadn't expected it now, right after an apparently successful mission.
"John," she says gently, "are you sure? It's only been one mission, and..."
His hands are trembling, palsied. He shakes his head.
"Everything's different, Elizabeth. The team can’t look at me, can't talk to me. Out there today, not one woman even glanced at me."
She opens her mouth to argue that it doesn't matter, but he cuts her off before she starts. "I know that’s not important,” he says, “but it's just, I don't know, like a small part of the bigger picture. Two kids came up to me today, wanted me to tell them a story – because I’m supposed to have wisdom. Because I'm old. I don't think I can do it, Elizabeth. It'd be different if I actually was 70-whatever, if I had the experiences to go with the body. But I'm not; I'm not even forty. How do I cope with that?”
"I don’t know,” she admits. "But you have friends here, John. We can help you. What will you do back on Earth? You'll still be older than your years."
“I know,” he mutters. “But…I don’t know, people here, they look at me like I’m some kind of freak. They knew me before and now I’m different. On Earth, people don’t know me. I’ll be old, yeah, but not freakishly-aged-by-a-man-eating-space-vampire. Maybe I can even look up Colonel Everett,” he adds.
Elizabeth tries not to cringe. “John,” she says softly, “we need you here.”
That wasn't at all what she meant to say. Not that she has a script, but -- but that wasn't where she meant to take this conversation.
He almost smiles, and she knows that it's not meant nicely. “No, you don’t.”
“If that’s your decision,” she says. She blinks hard, because John isn't the first and won't be the last person she loses. It never gets easier, though.
“It is,” he replies, and she has to strain to hear him, but she nods, because she knew what he was going to say, even before he came in.
She nods, and he leaves. She looks back at her papers as he shuffles through the control room, and she doesn't say anything.
***
It's strange to watch them suit up for the mission without John. Teyla and Ronon are standing near the stairs, ready to go and waiting for Rodney. The transporter whooshes penumatically in the hall, only it's not Rodney who strides in, but John. Striding is probably too generous a term, really -- he walks in, steadier than he's been for the past few weeks, but obviously struggling with it.
And he has gear on his back. Elizabeth sighs inside, because she knows that this cannot, cannot end well.
"John," she says, trying to sound pleased. "What are you doing here?"
It's obvious that her attempt at "pleased" fell flat, because he glares at her, even if his tone is level when he says "I'm going on the mission."
She knew he was going to say that.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" She's pretty sure that it's not, so she tries the one thing that might work, even if it makes him angry. "What does Carson thi--?"
Sheppard makes a choked sound in his throat. "It's not Carson's choice!" He sounds furious, but has to realise he's walking a fine line, because he backs off quickly. "I'm fine, Elizabeth. I'm as fit as ever and I need to get back in the saddle sometime. No time like the present." His face twists into almost a grimace, and Elizabeth realises that he's trying to smirk, but the atrophied muscle and sagging skin of his face won't hold the expression. It doesn't make her feel better about saying no, but she's even more certain that she has to.
"I'm not sure..." she starts.
"Elizabeth!" Rodney's voice interrupts her. "There you are! I just wan --"
She and John both turn, and Rodney stops dead in his tracks as he realises who he's seeing. "--oh," he says. "Colonel Sheppard. You're... you're coming with us, then?"
It's not fair of her, but she's grateful that Rodney looks as uncomfortable as she feels.
"No," she says, just as John says "Yes".
John looks at her, obviously trying to hide his anger. "Elizabeth," he wheedles, and she knows that there's a time when she would've caved, but now she shakes her head.
"You're not as strong as you used to be, John." There's nothing that she can do to soften this, not if she wants him to listen to her. "Aside from that, who knows what else may have changed?"
“You’re saying I’m unstable? Unreliable?” he challenges, his voice rising. “Why don’t you just send me back on the Daedalus, then? I’m useless here unless you let me go out there!”
Rodney steps between them awkwardly, not meeting anyone's eyes. "If I may -- It's a fairly routine trading mission. Colonel Sheppard's, er, training -- it may not even be particularly necessary..."
She should've seen this one coming, because even with half a dozen decades between them, McKay and Sheppard will still side with each other and the thrill of the unknown before either of them will listen to her. Still...
"Rodney," she says, "just how many 'routine trading missions' have actually ended up being routine?"
“Yes, well,” he mutters, shrugging.
"I'm sorry, John," she says, "but it's just too much of a risk."
Sheppard plays the last card he has, the one he knows that she won't fight him on. “I’m the senior military officer,” he says, “and I say this team needs a military escort: me.”
For a moment she's quiet, and Rodney shifts uneasily. She could press it, she knows, could argue with him and win the argument, but she can't look at him and take this away, too. "If that's your decision," she says, and hopes that she won't live to regret this. She feels guilty: regrets or not, she will still be alive.
“It is,” he replies, and she nods.
This is all that she can give him. The feeling is strangely gutting; she looks away.
They go through the gate flanking John; Teyla in the lead, Ronon to the right and Rodney to the left. She closes her eyes as they go through the gate and doesn't open them until she hears it disengage.
***
John is released from the infirmary after only a few days, and the whole city changes. It's the first time that someone they know has been brought back this changed -- usually, their only options are 'just fine' and 'dead'. Elizabeth hates to think it, but she almost thinks that this is more demoralising; watching John carefully shuffle-step down the hall without meeting anyone's eyes is in some ways worse than a casket.
It's like that for everyone, she's sure. The slow realisation that John Sheppard is no longer the John Sheppard that they knew is heavy on Elizabeth's mind, and she doesn't doubt that the rest of the mission feel it as well. More than just his appearance has changed: He is suddenly quick to anger, when before he had a surprisingly slow fuse; He's become arrogant and demanding in a way that he wasn't before. And then there is the obvious, what they are all carefully not mentioning: He is suddenly over a hundred years old, with all the infirmities and indignities that come with age.
It doesn't surprise Elizabeth that Teyla is the first to adjust. The day after John is released from the infirmary, Elizabeth spots the two of them in the cafeteria. Teyla is smiling and has her hand on John's arm, and John looks -- old. John looks old, she thinks, and she has to leave the room. She doesn't eat lunch that day.
***
Elizabeth pushes the heels of her palms against her eyes. It still says the same thing. It seems unfair that after everything, after being caught on hive ships and Replicator cities, that ultimately it's Kolya who's behind this. They'd barely even considered him a threat at this point, and for it to blow up so spectacularly...
The rustling at her door makes her lift her head, and she catches Rodney before he walks away.
"Come in," she says.
He does, awkwardly, not meeting her eyes.
"So how -- oh, you've got the report."
She nods. "Would you like to read it?"
He's started shaking his head before she even finishes the sentence. "No," he says, "no, once was enough, I don't need to picture it all again." '
Still, he sits in the proffered chair and picks up the report, roughly paging through it. "So now what?" he says.
There's not an answer, not one that she can give, and they both know it. She rests her head on her hands and doesn't say anything.
"Yeah," he says. "Yeah."
They sit in silence for a while, listening to the muted chatter from the control room. Rodney stares at the front page of the report, not opening it, and she folds her hands and leans back, wondering how on earth they ended up here, like this.
"We're -- we're going to have to do something," Rodney says, finally.
She's expected that someone would mention it, but that it's coming from Rodney makes it more real, somehow. She nods.
"Something," she says, "but what?"
Rodney shakes his head. He looks exhausted. "I don't know," he says.
They fall back into silence; she doesn't have an answer.
***
***
Ladon is as good as his word: his men are there in less than an hour, armed and dressed for combat.
She shudders at the sight of so many Genii uniforms in the gateroom, but steels herself and goes to speak with Ladon and Major Jamison. Jamison stiffens when he sees her.
"Ma'am," he says, polite southern boy even in a crisis.
She nods at him. "Gentlemen. What's the plan?"
Jamison eases a bit. "The jumper -- with Ronon, McKay, Teyla, Beckett, and the marines -- goes through first," he says, "and cloaks immediately on the other side. That'll distract whoever's guarding the gate, and the Genii team can come through, knock out the guards, and move on to find the compound and Kolya. The jumper team focuses on finding Sheppard and getting him out of there."
"Right," she says. "Whenever you're ready, then."
"That's now, ma'am," he says. Ladon nods, and she heads up to the Control Room as they marshal the men and move towards the gate.
The jumper descends through the room, and the iris flares open. The jumper surges forward and disappears into the wormhole, and she remembers the first time a team went through, and the times since then, coming back under fire, but alive. That, she thinks, would be an acceptable outcome to this. Alive.
"Godspeed," she whispers, and she walks away.
Author:
vegetariansushiSummary: John leaves on the Daedalus.
Rating: PG
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Warnings: None
Spoilers: Major plot spoilers for Stargate: Atlantis 3x07, Common Ground
Title, Author and URL of original story: The Wisdom of Youth by
ljmckay (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3005131/1/).John leaves on the Daedalus.
There's no ceremony to it, no speech given about his bravery or accomplishments, no medals or awards presented. It is, Elizabeth reminds herself, exactly what he wanted, but she still feels uncomfortable that they're not doing something.
"Five minutes, Colonel," says Caldwell, and Sheppard nods.
He says goodbye to her first, and she embraces him. The last time she did this, she thinks, was a year and a lifetime ago. One last-minute save and for the first time, she thought that the mission might turn out all right after all. Luck, she reminds herself, is only lent, not given. She smiles tightly and steps back.
"Good luck, John," she says, because what else is she going to say? This is it for him, and they all know it. Earth can't have anything for him, not after Atlantis.
He nods solemnly at her, and she takes a step away to allow him a moment alone with his team. She moves far enough away that she can't hear what they say, and sternly tells herself that this is for their benefit, not hers. She can't help watching, though, as they huddle together and talk in hushed voices. Teyla kisses him softly, and Ronon and Rodney hug him, gently, the way that one hugs a dying relative. Which, she supposes, is what he is.
When Caldwell calls again, the team separates. John takes a few steps and turns, and for a minute she thinks that he's going to say that he's just come up with a way to reverse it, that maybe if they rewire something and run the power through something backwards it will be better.
"Thanks," he says, and it sounds resigned. "I'll -- I'll miss you guys." He turns to leave.
Elizabeth watches him walk away, and this time she doesn't close her eyes.
***
She's working on paperwork when they return, and intentionally doesn't get up. There's been no request for backup, so things clearly didn't go too badly, and someone would come and report once they'd gotten their gear off. She can wait.
For the second time that day, it's not Rodney, but John who shows up, and she's surprised this time, too.
"How did it go?" she asks. It makes sense, sort of; it's always been John's job to debrief her after a mission if he's involved in it, and his age -- apparent age, she reminds herself -- doesn't change that.
He shrugs tiredly. "Fine," he says, and it doesn't answer any of the questions that she wants to ask, or any of the questions that she could reasonably expect him to answer.
"Fine?" She raises her eyebrows.
"Fine," he confirms, carefully arranging himself in his chair. "Nothing happened. We met the people, did a little talking, came to an agreement, and left. Uneventful. Rodney will debrief you later."
"Then, if you don't mind my asking, why are you here?"
John sighs. "Right. Yeah."
She looks at her desk, shuffles the papers, trying to give him time to compose himself.
"I think... I think that I need to..."
She doesn't look up.
"Retire."
She looks her head up in time to watch his eyes squeeze shut. She'd been waiting for him to talk to her about it, but she hadn't expected it now, right after an apparently successful mission.
"John," she says gently, "are you sure? It's only been one mission, and..."
His hands are trembling, palsied. He shakes his head.
"Everything's different, Elizabeth. The team can’t look at me, can't talk to me. Out there today, not one woman even glanced at me."
She opens her mouth to argue that it doesn't matter, but he cuts her off before she starts. "I know that’s not important,” he says, “but it's just, I don't know, like a small part of the bigger picture. Two kids came up to me today, wanted me to tell them a story – because I’m supposed to have wisdom. Because I'm old. I don't think I can do it, Elizabeth. It'd be different if I actually was 70-whatever, if I had the experiences to go with the body. But I'm not; I'm not even forty. How do I cope with that?”
"I don’t know,” she admits. "But you have friends here, John. We can help you. What will you do back on Earth? You'll still be older than your years."
“I know,” he mutters. “But…I don’t know, people here, they look at me like I’m some kind of freak. They knew me before and now I’m different. On Earth, people don’t know me. I’ll be old, yeah, but not freakishly-aged-by-a-man-eating-space-vampire. Maybe I can even look up Colonel Everett,” he adds.
Elizabeth tries not to cringe. “John,” she says softly, “we need you here.”
That wasn't at all what she meant to say. Not that she has a script, but -- but that wasn't where she meant to take this conversation.
He almost smiles, and she knows that it's not meant nicely. “No, you don’t.”
“If that’s your decision,” she says. She blinks hard, because John isn't the first and won't be the last person she loses. It never gets easier, though.
“It is,” he replies, and she has to strain to hear him, but she nods, because she knew what he was going to say, even before he came in.
She nods, and he leaves. She looks back at her papers as he shuffles through the control room, and she doesn't say anything.
***
It's strange to watch them suit up for the mission without John. Teyla and Ronon are standing near the stairs, ready to go and waiting for Rodney. The transporter whooshes penumatically in the hall, only it's not Rodney who strides in, but John. Striding is probably too generous a term, really -- he walks in, steadier than he's been for the past few weeks, but obviously struggling with it.
And he has gear on his back. Elizabeth sighs inside, because she knows that this cannot, cannot end well.
"John," she says, trying to sound pleased. "What are you doing here?"
It's obvious that her attempt at "pleased" fell flat, because he glares at her, even if his tone is level when he says "I'm going on the mission."
She knew he was going to say that.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" She's pretty sure that it's not, so she tries the one thing that might work, even if it makes him angry. "What does Carson thi--?"
Sheppard makes a choked sound in his throat. "It's not Carson's choice!" He sounds furious, but has to realise he's walking a fine line, because he backs off quickly. "I'm fine, Elizabeth. I'm as fit as ever and I need to get back in the saddle sometime. No time like the present." His face twists into almost a grimace, and Elizabeth realises that he's trying to smirk, but the atrophied muscle and sagging skin of his face won't hold the expression. It doesn't make her feel better about saying no, but she's even more certain that she has to.
"I'm not sure..." she starts.
"Elizabeth!" Rodney's voice interrupts her. "There you are! I just wan --"
She and John both turn, and Rodney stops dead in his tracks as he realises who he's seeing. "--oh," he says. "Colonel Sheppard. You're... you're coming with us, then?"
It's not fair of her, but she's grateful that Rodney looks as uncomfortable as she feels.
"No," she says, just as John says "Yes".
John looks at her, obviously trying to hide his anger. "Elizabeth," he wheedles, and she knows that there's a time when she would've caved, but now she shakes her head.
"You're not as strong as you used to be, John." There's nothing that she can do to soften this, not if she wants him to listen to her. "Aside from that, who knows what else may have changed?"
“You’re saying I’m unstable? Unreliable?” he challenges, his voice rising. “Why don’t you just send me back on the Daedalus, then? I’m useless here unless you let me go out there!”
Rodney steps between them awkwardly, not meeting anyone's eyes. "If I may -- It's a fairly routine trading mission. Colonel Sheppard's, er, training -- it may not even be particularly necessary..."
She should've seen this one coming, because even with half a dozen decades between them, McKay and Sheppard will still side with each other and the thrill of the unknown before either of them will listen to her. Still...
"Rodney," she says, "just how many 'routine trading missions' have actually ended up being routine?"
“Yes, well,” he mutters, shrugging.
"I'm sorry, John," she says, "but it's just too much of a risk."
Sheppard plays the last card he has, the one he knows that she won't fight him on. “I’m the senior military officer,” he says, “and I say this team needs a military escort: me.”
For a moment she's quiet, and Rodney shifts uneasily. She could press it, she knows, could argue with him and win the argument, but she can't look at him and take this away, too. "If that's your decision," she says, and hopes that she won't live to regret this. She feels guilty: regrets or not, she will still be alive.
“It is,” he replies, and she nods.
This is all that she can give him. The feeling is strangely gutting; she looks away.
They go through the gate flanking John; Teyla in the lead, Ronon to the right and Rodney to the left. She closes her eyes as they go through the gate and doesn't open them until she hears it disengage.
***
John is released from the infirmary after only a few days, and the whole city changes. It's the first time that someone they know has been brought back this changed -- usually, their only options are 'just fine' and 'dead'. Elizabeth hates to think it, but she almost thinks that this is more demoralising; watching John carefully shuffle-step down the hall without meeting anyone's eyes is in some ways worse than a casket.
It's like that for everyone, she's sure. The slow realisation that John Sheppard is no longer the John Sheppard that they knew is heavy on Elizabeth's mind, and she doesn't doubt that the rest of the mission feel it as well. More than just his appearance has changed: He is suddenly quick to anger, when before he had a surprisingly slow fuse; He's become arrogant and demanding in a way that he wasn't before. And then there is the obvious, what they are all carefully not mentioning: He is suddenly over a hundred years old, with all the infirmities and indignities that come with age.
It doesn't surprise Elizabeth that Teyla is the first to adjust. The day after John is released from the infirmary, Elizabeth spots the two of them in the cafeteria. Teyla is smiling and has her hand on John's arm, and John looks -- old. John looks old, she thinks, and she has to leave the room. She doesn't eat lunch that day.
***
Elizabeth pushes the heels of her palms against her eyes. It still says the same thing. It seems unfair that after everything, after being caught on hive ships and Replicator cities, that ultimately it's Kolya who's behind this. They'd barely even considered him a threat at this point, and for it to blow up so spectacularly...
The rustling at her door makes her lift her head, and she catches Rodney before he walks away.
"Come in," she says.
He does, awkwardly, not meeting her eyes.
"So how -- oh, you've got the report."
She nods. "Would you like to read it?"
He's started shaking his head before she even finishes the sentence. "No," he says, "no, once was enough, I don't need to picture it all again." '
Still, he sits in the proffered chair and picks up the report, roughly paging through it. "So now what?" he says.
There's not an answer, not one that she can give, and they both know it. She rests her head on her hands and doesn't say anything.
"Yeah," he says. "Yeah."
They sit in silence for a while, listening to the muted chatter from the control room. Rodney stares at the front page of the report, not opening it, and she folds her hands and leans back, wondering how on earth they ended up here, like this.
"We're -- we're going to have to do something," Rodney says, finally.
She's expected that someone would mention it, but that it's coming from Rodney makes it more real, somehow. She nods.
"Something," she says, "but what?"
Rodney shakes his head. He looks exhausted. "I don't know," he says.
They fall back into silence; she doesn't have an answer.
***
***
Ladon is as good as his word: his men are there in less than an hour, armed and dressed for combat.
She shudders at the sight of so many Genii uniforms in the gateroom, but steels herself and goes to speak with Ladon and Major Jamison. Jamison stiffens when he sees her.
"Ma'am," he says, polite southern boy even in a crisis.
She nods at him. "Gentlemen. What's the plan?"
Jamison eases a bit. "The jumper -- with Ronon, McKay, Teyla, Beckett, and the marines -- goes through first," he says, "and cloaks immediately on the other side. That'll distract whoever's guarding the gate, and the Genii team can come through, knock out the guards, and move on to find the compound and Kolya. The jumper team focuses on finding Sheppard and getting him out of there."
"Right," she says. "Whenever you're ready, then."
"That's now, ma'am," he says. Ladon nods, and she heads up to the Control Room as they marshal the men and move towards the gate.
The jumper descends through the room, and the iris flares open. The jumper surges forward and disappears into the wormhole, and she remembers the first time a team went through, and the times since then, coming back under fire, but alive. That, she thinks, would be an acceptable outcome to this. Alive.
"Godspeed," she whispers, and she walks away.
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